


Nobody Needs to Know

by CongressIsAliens



Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [15]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Established Relationship, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Hamilton, Internal Conflict, Introspection, M/M, Secret Relationship, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: Lord, show me how to say no to this...Their relationship isn't exactly OWCA approved, but Perry doesn't want to stop.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668385
Comments: 24
Kudos: 163





	Nobody Needs to Know

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Hamilton last weekend and it's so good??? My favorite songs were You'll Be Back (oh my god King George was hilarious) and Say No to This, and I knew I had to write something Perryshmirtz based on one of those. 
> 
> (Don't expect anything based on You'll Be Back, I've got like 3 open WIP's right now and I don't need another one xD)

Perry yawns. The cold, grey light of dawn seeps in around the edges of the curtains, yet he hasn't slept a wink all night. 

And that's only partly the fault of the man sleeping peacefully next to him. 

Actually, it's entirely the fault of this man. This glorious man, the one who drew him in with his sharp wits and marvelous inventions. Who took every punch and kick, then cursed him without malicious intent. The man that he fell for, head over heels. The man he just can't say no to. 

So no, he hasn't slept. Instead, he's been mulling things over and over in his mind. How he's going to explain this one to Linda- swamped with work only works for so long. How he's going to lie about his whereabouts to Monogram.

How their relationship can't continue, not like this. 

If this was a normal relationship, one where he met the other in a coffee shop or at a concert, he wouldn't have any qualms about breaking it off. (Actually, if this was a normal relationship, he wouldn't need to hide.)

But this is no ordinary relationship. They're nemeses. Friends. Lovers. He has feelings that refuse to go away, feelings he can't just ignore, despite the cloud of consequences hanging over his head. 

All because he couldn't _fucking_ push Heinz away. Couldn't just take one quick, messy kiss and call it good. No, he had to fall face first into what's both the best and worst decision of his life. 

Best because, well, he's in a wonderful relationship with his nemesis. One that he hates to even consider breaking off.

Worst because if he gets caught, he's _fucked_. And not in the good way, the way he's enjoyed with his nemesis for the past month.

No, there will be consequences. Consequences that make him truly consider squandering their relationship. 

Because there are always consequences. Something like this is beyond an easily explained-away one night stand. It went beyond that as soon as Perry kissed back. 

Demotion and relocation is the lightest punishment he could possibly hope for. At it's worst, he'd be earning forty years of jail time in OWCA-traz, no parole, for aiding and abetting evil. Most likely, he'll be forced to relocate, strung along, then fired a few months later over something petty. 

He's watched it happen. He's seen agents slip up and disappear. Agents more careful than he. 

Of course, he wouldn't have to do this if Dennis (Agent Bunny, which makes Perry glad he got a mature codename) hadn't gone rogue. The reason? He fell in love with his nemesis and realized that Evil was better.

One agent gone rogue, working with his nemesis, inspired by a relationship not unlike the one he shares with Heinz. After that, OWCA clamped down on every single agent-nemesis relationship, romantic or no.

One agent ruined his chances to ever enjoy life.

Is it bad that he considers going rogue to get away from the consequences of this? The consequences of doing something completely unexpected of him. He's a dedicated agent, shot up through the ranks as soon as he graduated from the University Without a Cool Acronym. Something like this defies all expectations, and not in a good way. 

He knows what he's expected to do. As the best agent in the Tri-State Area, he's expected to do certain things. Keep a nemesis, but still be able to go on other missions and save the world. Complete every shred of paperwork on time. Never question his loyalty, not like what he's doing right now.

He's _also_ expected to marry another agent. A _female_ agent. Have two point five prodigy agent kids and continue the legacy his parents left him. 

The higher-ups aren't even subtle about it. They keep sending him on missions with the same woman, the best agent in the DC division. Agent Kaylee the Koala. They're both highly skilled agents, third or fourth generation OWCA. Born and raised to fight evil. (And their codenames are both Australian mammals. Major Monogram would get a kick out of that.) Honestly, it wouldn't be that bad. She's a good agent, he considers her a friend. He'd be able to get through it, if he could get over Heinz. 

That's how he came into the Organization, anyway. His parents had met on a mission in Greece, married not much later. Then they died days before his third birthday. He went into OWCA's foster program for the agency's orphans, shuffled around from division to division. He'd lived in more countries by his fifteenth birthday than most people got to visit in a lifetime.

Once he graduated from the High School Without a Cool Acronym, he was shuffled into the host family program. Some attempt to give him people to come home to. 

And it worked. He rents the attic space above the Flynn-Fletcher home. Their family accepted him into their arms. He practically considers Phineas, Ferb, and Candace his own niblings. They even call him Uncle Perry. 

Even though he can't tell them anything about his work life, they're still family. 

But some part of him still aches for his _own_ family. 

It's a choice he has to make. A family he could build from scratch, with a fellow agent. A family that he could be almost true with. Or a family he came into far too late. Even though part of him considers Vanessa and Norm his own children. Norm calls him Dad, for god's sake. A family he could tell the truth to, but not about. 

There's a right answer for both sides of him. The side that follows rules longs to take the easy way out, to break everything off and never look back. To say no to this. To request a transfer to DC, keep in touch with Lawrence and Linda and the kids, marry Agent Koala and have children, even if he'll never be truly happy.

The side of him that craves adventure and adrenaline, the emotional side of him says no. It says to stay here, in this bed, in this division, in this town. To throw away everything else for his emotions. To break the chains, to love his _nemesis_ with all his heart. Like he already does, if he's being honest.

He hates to be the one to break the cycle. To be the one _surely_ disappointing his parents. (Although it's not like they would know...He feels horrible for even thinking that.) But he's in _love_ with his nemesis. The feelings run far too deep. It's something that keeps him from ever having a normal life.

Normal for an OWCA agent, anyway. He gave up any semblance of normal life the instant he was born.

And he gave up on having a normal agent life the instant he decided to hang back after a scheme.

They had been cleaning up an exploded -inator. It had been slow going, but they finally finished cleaning up Doofenshmirtz's lab. They took a few steps to admire their handiwork when suddenly, Doofenshmirtz had pulled him in by his tie, sloppily pressing their lips together in a rough approximation of a kiss. Perry had been shocked at first (since when did Doofenshmirtz reciprocate his feelings?), but had quickly accepted the simple truth that Heinz spelled out.

He barely had his wits about him, but he still managed to push the other man away. If OWCA saw, he'd be done for.

But his instincts and desires overwhelmed him. He just couldn't say no, couldn't find it in him to go. It would have been so easy, just sign a fast apology, jump off the balcony, and glide away.

He's never been one to take the easy way out. Never has been. He turned away from the cameras, deactivated them in a way that would look accidental. 

Making deliberate eye contact with a hurt Heinz, he tossed his hat away from him, not even bothering to watch where it flew. (Damn if that isn't the perfect metaphor for everything he's done since then, huh?) He pulled Heinz down by the lapels of his lab coat and crashed them together in a hungry kiss. It barely took a moment until Heinz had reciprocated in kind. Long fingers carded through his hair, a bite stung against his bottom lip, his own hands sneaking below the hem of Heinz's sweater. 

Things only escalated from there. They spent the night in a whirlwind of guilt and pleasure. There were hundreds of opportunities to leave, to push Heinz away and _go_ , but he didn't take a single one. And Heinz would understand. He would be hurt, but he would understand. 

But he didn't say no.

Laying in Heinz's bed that night, breathing hard and barely able to process what happened, he promised himself _never again_.

It was only supposed to be once. One time. One night. 

Shame burned in his gut as he had kissed Heinz goodbye ( _god_ , he just couldn't stop) and flew home. The shame only intensified when the Major demanded to know why Heinz had kissed him. 

His stomach in knots, he signed that it was a _misunderstanding,_ lying that _of course he didn't want it_. It took every part of his self control to keep his hands from shaking. 

He's used to lying. Lying to Linda and Lawrence and the kids about his job. Lying to Heinz about his personal life. Lying to himself, telling himself that he's going to stop. But this feels different. Like he's lighting the fuse on dynamite beneath his feet. 

To a certain extent, every lie feels like it's a house of cards just waiting to tumble down. Some do, ending in relocation at best. Some get rebuilt, like the mishaps with the second dimension.

This lie feels even more precarious, like the cards are made of glass. Glass that will cut him on the way down. Glass that will shatter and never be able to be repaired, not in the same way, not ever again. 

Intellectually, he knows that every lie has a time limit. He's honestly floored at how his house of cards hasn't fallen, hasn't toppled and taken everything he knows with it. Every secret escapes, even the best-kept ones.

A part of him still loves it. Loves the thrill and the excitement. Craves the nerves that still bubble in his stomach every time he and Heinz fall into bed together. 

It was only supposed to be once. 

But it wasn't just once. He's practically become addicted to the way Heinz kisses him, soft yet still desperate. The way they understand each other, understand the constant internal conflict over good and evil. He can't get enough of the way they slot together, physically and emotionally. Stoic and emotional. Quiet and constantly talking.

How can something supposed to be so wrong feel so right? How can he say no to this? He can't stop, and part of him never wants to. 

He shouldn't feel like this, but he does.

Perry lays back down in Doofenshmirtz's bed, burying his face in the shoulder of the man himself. He wraps his arm around Heinz's thin body, and holds him tight. 

It's their secret. Some day, it will escape. But right now, nobody needs to know. 

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, based on [Say No to This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sB8ITujc3w) from Hamilton.
> 
> Hopefully I'll get a Perryverse chapter out today too :D
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


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